It has recently occurred to me, that my baby Bug likes ME best! Rhayn couldn't have cared less until she was a bit older, but Bug, she prefers mama.
At SLO's bridal shower last night I kept trying to hand her off, she doesn't like my mom much. I hand her to mom and Bug's bottom lip juts out and you can see the cry coming. She went to a neighbor, and she cried. Great Grandma tried to give her a kiss, and there was the bottom lip! She did allow Aunt Meh Meh to hold her and grandpa, but Grandpa is a good baby holder. And Aunt Meh Meh smells of milk!
I am actually quite pleased about this, because it makes me feel important. My baby loves me, and knows me, and needs me. Rhayn never really needed me, what with having formula to drink, anyone could feed her, I am the sole producer of Bug's milk. What a lucky mama I am. (Will I say this in 6 months when she still clings to me? I don't know, but I am going to enjoy it for now!)
I left Rhayn at my parents house, because my mom and Dacheese are coming up to shop for a dress for Dacheese. So they are going to bring my big girl with them. She loves staying the night there, it makes her happy, and I was just driving home. But when I got home, its was after 11, I felt scared, like something was wrong. Actually I felt like it on the way home, too. But felt relief after passing a few accidents that didn't involve me. But at home, I just couldn't shake that feeling. I am blaming it on the book I am reading, lack of sleep and medicine I have been taking to feel better. But it was overwhelming and I was unable to sleep. I am still a little worried, what does that feeling mean? What happened? Did someone die? Is someone I care for hurt? Is Rhayn ok? I don't feel that overwhelming feeling that I had last night, and I prayed for a calming feeling. I don't pray very often, but last night I felt like I needed a higher power to calm me. Maybe it was that, maybe I needed to talk to God, because I still believe in Him.
This morning I woke up and almost went into Rhayn's room to wake her up. Its strange not to have her here, its so quite without Sesame Street on. No one asking me if she can have candy, or anything like that. Just the occasional squeal from Bug and sound of me typing. So quiet, so still.