I feel better today, but yesterday was the worst one yet. I felt sad all day, and called a friend to hang out with. We went and had some coffee and talked. It helped while I was there, but when I headed home I called Will to see if he wanted me to pick up dinner. He said “No, we don’t need you to come home.” Well in a PROPER state of mind, I know he was joking or telling me I didn’t need to hurry. But in my sad state I felt like he was telling me that I wasn’t wanted.

After my friend and I parted ways, I went to a shoe store, and Target. I didn’t buy anything, even though often times a new pair of shoes or shirt or pants makes you feel a little better. I didn’t find anything that I wanted. So I left the stores and headed home, Bug started screaming. Not crying, not whining S C R E A M I N G ! ! ! ! It was horrible.

The half hour drive home dragged into an eternity. At one point I almost drove off of the road, because she was choking herself on the mucous from her crying. And the screaming. OH the SCREAMS. I mean it high pitched screaming, between the slobber raspberries, and gagging on mucous. It was awful. When I pulled into our garage, I felt overwhelmed again, totally out of control. I opened the door and it looked like she had the croup. There was mucous vomit all over the front of her and her car seat. She was bright red, swollen in the eyes and hiccupping through it all. My poor sad baby.

I assume she is afraid of the dark, because that screaming like that only happens at night. It only happens in the car, too. I had even left the cab light on, hoping it would mitigate the crying. It worked for a few minutes, but when the screaming started, it was WORSE.

All I can say is that although I love my friends, and need to hang out with them, I also can NOT drive myself around after dark with that screaming. I needed a relaxing afternoon, and its my own fault for going shopping afterwards, I should know better. But I guess I don’t.

Today has been an ok day. I feel a bit better, and went out and helped Will work in the backyard. I got to use a hedge trimmer on our bonus plant (it’s a really nice desert plant that started growing in the back yard when we moved in. It has nice orange flowers and is bush-like. I have seen them used in desert landscaping. So we have kept it around, however not being on the drip system has made it dry out and so I cut it back in hopes that it will grow more full afterwards, and its going to get some water soon.)

For now, I am going to get my biology book out and sit on our back patio. I am going to attempt to read my chapter today and tomorrow, and get my homework all done before Wednesday. I am determined not to put it off until last minute this week.


lvh said...

Hang in there - you can do it. I totally love the picture of Rhayn playing in the dirt.

Mid-life Midwife said...

next time leave the babe home too? gosh, you owe yourself at least 2 hours without a child at your side. hope things improve for you. hang in there, mama.

dacheese said...

I think that pic of Bug looks just like a picture that AI have seen of Will!

dacheese said...

Oh yeah Rhayn is in ORANGE! YESH!!!

dacheese said...

Ps I am way cooler!

leaner said...

dacheese- I THINK NOT!
mid-life midwife- yes, a few hours would be nice, but i worked SOOO hard for thsi nursing relationship (i don't know if TLC told you about that), i am so afraid to give her a bottle. (and she still is a little piggy!) Someday though.

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