20050916

A Scare

Well, my optimism was wrong.
At 3 pm I realized that the baby hadn't really moved in a few hours. So I ate some candy and laid on the couch. Then at 4 pm I called the midwife. I was really freaking out- imagining the worst. She said to drink 30-40 ounces of ice cold water and lay down for 15 minutes.
I did.
After the 15 mintues I called her back. There was still no movement. She told me to head straight out to the hospital.
I had called Will and told him to head home, because I needed him. I called him at that point and told him to meet me at the hospital.
We got there and they hooked me up to check for her heartbeat. Luckily as soon as I was hooked to the monitors she began moving like crazy.
The nurse was awful, she kept acting like I was stupid for not knowing who the back up doctor was. I told her the name my midwife had given me. I told her everything I knew. Then she got on me for declining the GBS screening. It was a miserable experience.
After a little while I was checked for dilation and was allowed to get dressed.
As I was getting ready to leave, my midwife called. It turns out she had copied the wrong hospital information in the email she sent me. So, the reason that that particular hospital didn't have my records or any documentation of me- or the version planned for Monday, was because I was at the wrong hospital.
All in all it was not the worst experience, I know that baby is doing fine, she must have just been really REALLY asleep. I know which hospital to go to on Monday and am prepared for it a little more.
And most of all I know I can't really count on Will's support- at least not the way I need him. I thought he would be better, but he is not being helpful to me at all. I really needed to talk to him tonight and he is in a really happy mood, so he is bouncing around and unable to sit and have a conversation. I don't know what to do. Because I really REALLY need to talk to him, or someone. I just feel so alone, sad, and scared.
I don't think I am dealing well with this breech thing and tonight just made me more afraid. I need to start grieving the loss of the gentle home birth I had planned. As long as I can avoid a cesaerean I think I might be ok, and even then- eventually I will be ok. Its just that nothing is going like I thought it would. None of this is what I thought it would be.
I would not go back and change my care. I wouldn't stay with a doctor. I am glad I have had Pam's care and will continue to have her care even if I end up in surgery. I just wish that the baby would flip over and we could still have that gentle, calm birth.

2 comments:

hairball said...

honey, it a sad thing this situation is causing, but just as long as that sweet baby girl enters this world (no matter how) then it will all be okay. We need her here so we can do crafts and visit the zoo. It is not as planned but as long as you get to have her and hold her, it will all be worth it, no matter the procedure. Smile a little and call me whenever you need it. You know I am here ( I am too broke to go anywhere else :) ) Love ya.

leaner said...

Thanks- I think that I am starting to come to terms with all of it. Its going to be hard, and even though I am trying not to think of only the worst... I am. There is still a chance that on Monday morning she could have turned or that the version will work. I may still get to have her at home. Its just been a highly invasive last week.
Rhayn LOVED crafting with you! She loves crafting. (I do to... but then you have crafts and what do you do with them?)
After baby is born, you'll have to come over here and do some crafts. Because I don't think I'll be driving around too much! And we can TRY to childproof my hosue! LOL I am going to have to do it anyway!

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