I don't really have much to say today.
My due date is Wednesday, and as it approaches I think back on the past months. The pains and all of the joys. The sickness, the movements. I feel a wiggle as I write this, my baby letting me know she is there.
What will she look like? Is she going to look like Rhayn? Will she come out and scowl at me, or will her face resemble mine more? Will her head be covered in hair like Rhayn's was? Fairly thick, brownish hair. Even though that hair all fell out, it was there at birth. Will Gwendolyn have that?
What color will her eyes be? Will they be that dark neutral color, the one we know will turn to brown, big browns that will look so lovingly up at me- and I will see MY eyes a reflection of me. Or will they be that lighter neutral color that could turn green, blue, gray, or even hazel? Whose eyes will she inherit?
Rhayn's eyes and expression at birth were nothing like I thought they would be. She was born scowling- what would someday be her eyebrows, were knitted together in a look of deep concentration. Her eyes- that light neutral color. I was even totally shocked that she had hair. I remember after my first or second push, the doctor said "look she has hair" and pulled at this length of dark hair. He could wrap it around his finger- amazing. In my family- of completely bald babies- this was a shock. Who was that little person emerging? What would she be like?
Now, years later, I have gotten to know that little girl so well. She is nothing that I ever thought she would be. She is her own person and has her own ideas already. Her outgoing personality is so different from my own. She will go up and talk to anyone. My mom says I was never like that. I know I was quite shy as a child, too. I was afraid to talk to strangers. Rhayn she will tell everyone and anyone her life story. Its sweet, and I hope she never stops being outgoing.
But for now, I am going to ponder what this new life will be like, my new friend, my new daughter.