I don't really have much to say today.
My due date is Wednesday, and as it approaches I think back on the past months. The pains and all of the joys. The sickness, the movements. I feel a wiggle as I write this, my baby letting me know she is there.
What will she look like? Is she going to look like Rhayn? Will she come out and scowl at me, or will her face resemble mine more? Will her head be covered in hair like Rhayn's was? Fairly thick, brownish hair. Even though that hair all fell out, it was there at birth. Will Gwendolyn have that?
What color will her eyes be? Will they be that dark neutral color, the one we know will turn to brown, big browns that will look so lovingly up at me- and I will see MY eyes a reflection of me. Or will they be that lighter neutral color that could turn green, blue, gray, or even hazel? Whose eyes will she inherit?
Rhayn's eyes and expression at birth were nothing like I thought they would be. She was born scowling- what would someday be her eyebrows, were knitted together in a look of deep concentration. Her eyes- that light neutral color. I was even totally shocked that she had hair. I remember after my first or second push, the doctor said "look she has hair" and pulled at this length of dark hair. He could wrap it around his finger- amazing. In my family- of completely bald babies- this was a shock. Who was that little person emerging? What would she be like?
Now, years later, I have gotten to know that little girl so well. She is nothing that I ever thought she would be. She is her own person and has her own ideas already. Her outgoing personality is so different from my own. She will go up and talk to anyone. My mom says I was never like that. I know I was quite shy as a child, too. I was afraid to talk to strangers. Rhayn she will tell everyone and anyone her life story. Its sweet, and I hope she never stops being outgoing.
But for now, I am going to ponder what this new life will be like, my new friend, my new daughter.
3 comments:
Our sweet little Rhayn has always been her own person. I was hoping for the cuddly little girl that just melts into you when you rock her to sleep. We weren't counting on a person so much like her mother - independent from the start. She may be more outgoing than you were, but you were so old from day one. Sometimes I have thought that you were the mom and I was the daughter. Not that you were rebellious or a problem child, but that you didn't need me as much as it seemed the younger ones did. Maybe it was because I was young, but I have often wondered if your spirit is older than mine, and we just agreed that I would come first. You would come and help me with your siblings and together we would grow up.
lets hope for brown eyes!!!! I do not think I will get the brown eyed girl first but whatever happens I will love her. i just want her to come out so I know that everything is alright and she has everything she is suppose to. this has been the longest week of my life. I figure I still have till monday until i go into labor but I am walking and trying to stay active maybe she will be nice and come out. Brown eyes brown eyes brown eyes....
BROWN EYES!!!! Bring on the BROWN EYES!
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