Why does how I feel never matter to him? I swear if I broke my leg he would still expect me to make dinner, take care of Rhayn, and clean the litter boxes.
I want him to be a partner to me... but I don't know why I expect that from him.
It hurts like why do I even bother talking to him? He doesn't care about anything that I say, but he expects me to listen and REMEMBER all this shit about computers and technology. I try to remember at least some of what he says- but he calls me a "renewable reasource" so he doesn't need to commit anything I say to memory. He tells me that he has a "better memory" than I do- but doesn't remember what I like and don't like.
Ugh... these are the days when this whole marriage feels like a sham. So why am I here? Why is HE here? Is it love that binds us? It seldom feels like it.
This fight wasn't even a bad one... I am just sick and tired of asking him to do things and him saying he will in a minute- but never actually getting around to any of it. Its the same way with everything in his life though- this is not specific to me at all. He doesn't follow through with projects unless its a paying one. He starts ideas and never gets any of it done.
I can't say that I am better at it- but I don't pretend to be. I will say "I will if I have time" at least.
I wish he could be the person I thought he was. Maybe there really isn't a reason to stay married- yet I wonder because some days feel so nice- like yesterday, we had a good day. I was happy even though I felt sick. So what is wrong today? I just feel so frustrated- and can't tell him about it- he doesn't care. I feel sick- and he doesn't care he gives me (in a fake Texas accent) "I'm sorry" but he really isn't. He doesn't try to help me- the only time he does is when I am joking about his help. I want him to volunteer to help, I want him to say "you look sick why don't I take Rhayn to the zoo while you sleep" or "she and I are going to play at the park for a few hours so you can rest" but no.
He really isn't that bad either. I don't know why I am making him out to be. He is pretty helpful. I was able to go out today and get my eyebrows waxed as well as shop a bit.
Oh I don't know what is wrong with me... but I should probably apologize... I wasn't being very nice when I was downstairs a few minutes ago.
I should also go to bed- i need to rest or this cold will get worse.