Dark places

I can't even describe the place I'm in other than to call it dark.

I feel lost, unsure, afraid, unhappy, overwhelmed. I have this huge rock in the pit of my stomach that's just growing every day. I regularly feel like I'm about to break.

I feel broken through, cracked, shattered.

I can't pull myself out of this, and I'm unable to turn to the one I want to.

Sometimes I am afraid of how I feel. I've felt this before, right before the life i was living ended, changed. There's so much hurt and fear. And most of it is just spiraling out of control.

The very worst part of all of this is that I think it's made up, messed up thoughts in my head. Crazy fears that I have no reason to truly believe. Stupid thoughts that swirl around because I just can't stop them.

Mental break down.
How can I manage.
How can I keep up with what's going on in my head.
How can I keep the kids from being effected by my mental break?
What happens now?
What happens next?
What am I doing?
How long will this last?
What is wrong with me?
What. Is. Wrong. With. Me?