typical depression

Feeling depressed is miserable.
I know I'll feel better soon, I know it'll end and I'll feel good again. But until then?
While I'm in the depths of despair and feeling like everything is wrong? It's hard to see the light.

Maybe writing down the thoughts will help? My oldest and one of her good friends are no longer friends. I'm not exactly sure what happened, but last weekend, she told me that they are no longer friends, with tears in her eyes. I'm not sure why it bothers me so much.

My second oldest doesn't really have any good friends. She's 9 and didn't have a best friend. She's friends with all of the kids in her class but none are ever invited for play dates or sleep overs. I'm trying to get her into things, like 4H but she's still not made any friends.

We've been sick for what feels like forever. I've been stuck at home, unable to do my normal things, because I am sick and the kids are sick. I'm tired of feeling like crap. I'm tired of everyone in our house bring short tempered. I'm tired. Plain and simple.

Natalie and Abi are fighting a lot, because they are kids.
I'm sad because I only have girls. I'm sad because we are done having babies. I'm sad because babies are 100% easier than teenagers. I'm sad because this month is already more than half way over. I'm sad because we will be in this house for a long time, even though we looked at having a house built, we'll be making this one work for much longer. I'm sad because Will didn't realize I needed some alone time today. I'm sad because I'm worried about my parents, especially my dad. I'm sad because this is all getting to me and I can't get over it. I'm sad because it kept me awake last night. I'm sad because I'm getting old and I feel frumpy, I look in the mirror and see someone I don't love at the moment. I'm sad because Gwen came to be and told me that she's sad and doesn't know how she'll ever feel happy. I'm sad that my 9 year old is sad. I'm sad because. . .

And I really need a nice date night/lunch with my husband. It was so nice when we went out and walked around for my birthday. I wish we could do that more often. Our anniversary is coming up in a month, I'd like to plan something for it, but what? I feel guilty being away from the kids for more than a few hours, I am not ready to leave Abi over night. I can't believe we've been married this long. I really am glad, we make such a good team. We have made some really great kids, too.

I think I just needed to let this all out.

1 comment:

purplelurple said...

we should trade off date nights! Lol only if you were closer! I so feel for you!

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