I'm terrified that one of my kids will drown. Like an unhealthy fear of it.

On Thursday we were at a pool party and Natalie was in the hot tub. She tried to jump from one side to the other but can't swim so she was under the water and screaming. It was so scary.

That night I had a really hard time falling asleep. In fact I let Natalie sleep in bed with me and I kept checking on her. She wire a few times crying which didn't help my sleep. But I needed her close to me.

Once when Rhaynnon  was little, just over 2 i think, she feel into a lake. Backwards off of the dock. I could see her going under, like slow motion, sinking. I'm sure it was only seconds, it felt like forever. She was fine, but it's created a fear.

When I was a kid we spent the summer at the pool. Skin brown, except where our suits covered us. Hair bleached blonde from exposure.  Exhausted at night from hours spent being active.

But I'm afraid.

And I need to get the girls into swim lessons.