Thoughts about Hospitals, birth, and packing

The day I had that really bad panic attack, the one that sent me to the ER because I felt so wrong, Will told me that I have spent more time in the hospital for this baby than any of the other kids.

Very true.

Rhayn was born in the hospital, and I had one "false alarm" labor night 3 weeks before she came.
Gwen was born at home, though I did go to the hospital for a couple of things- one day I didn't feel her move enough and to have her stubborn, breech butt turned. (After that I went to a place to have her fluid levels checked once a week until she was born.)
Natalie- never. Never in the hospital or ER or anything the entire time.
#4? at 18 weeks for spotting/cramping. At 35weeks 6 days for an anxiety attack. And for those silly NSTs 2 times a week.

I actually enjoy the NSTs because I get to sit there, quietly and watch tv. (I know I've mentioned that before). In fact I am getting ready to go right now and honestly I can not wait for that little bit of "me" time.

It is only day 2 of our 2 weeks without Daddy, and I am so not enjoying this time.

Last night I had a dream that I had a Cesarean section to get the baby out. Apparently there was something wrong with her or her position, and because they didn't figure it out early enough the best thing was to just give me a c-section. This was my first dream like that- ever. Though I have felt, on and off, that I may end up with one. I don't know why. It is just this odd feeling I keep having. I hope it is wrong and that the baby doesn't have something weird about her.

I am so tired. So very tired. Last night I could not fall asleep, so I did a load of baby clothes and packed a hospital bag (including clothes for this little one but not clothes for Will because he can come home and change.) I think I need to look at what is in my toiletries bag again. But honestly I'll probably only be there for 24 or so hours so it seems silly to pack a whole bunch of stuff that I likely won't use. But again... I don't know what I need and most anything I could "need" I can send someone to get for me. That is the beauty of this all.

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