knit, purl, rest and back

The second shrug I knitted up this week, it needs a different button, but I love the color.

During the day, most days, I am fine. Better than fine, I am happy and get much done, I've knitted 3 shrugs in the last few days 2 for Natalie one for Gwen and started another one. But then the night sneaks in. The dark seems to make everything  that is in my head worse.

The sun starts to go down and the girls become brats, Tally has melt down after melt down, Gwen doesn't want to go to bed. Dinner isn't even a fun time, because I make food that Gwen doesn't want to eat. Not fun at all. I try to ask them what they want for dinner, but we can't eat popcorn and grilled cheese for Gwen every night, at least Rhayn has better ideas, like clam chowder and steak.

I also feel so alone at night. It is hard when the house is quiet and the lights are turned off. We're out here, not in the middle of no where, but it feels like it- so very quiet at night.

Tonight the moon is big and bright shining in the windows, lighting up the yard, illuminating my car outside. I don't know if that makes it better or worse. What I do know is that it is still lonely here. And I can not wait for Will to get home, for him to be here to talk to, to feel safe with. (Because seriously, Lily is not a guard dog.)

This post is all over, and I've been writing it all day, scattered thoughts are pretty much all I have right now. I've been knitting like crazy because it gives me something to do... knit, purl, knit, purl. Its like I'm trying to hang on to my sanity whilst making something beautiful for someone.

Add to that things I can't/won't talk/write about, and a trip to see my parents this weekend (and my sistah! And my cousin!) and I just feel like  I'm barely holding on to my sanity.