I feel so disconnected from the world, from my family, from my husband. I don't like it at all. I know that this, for me, is part of recovering from birth and being a new mom (again). I am not sleeping very much and even if I nap, its not as much sleep as my body was used to.
I feel like the walking dead, a zombie, but instead of asking for brains, I am just staring into space. People talk to me and I feel like I can barely look at them. At my grandma's 90th birthday hoopla, so many people came up and talked to me. I would attempt to talk back, but I really had a hard time focusing on them and what they were saying (sorry Tiff!)
Instead of being a loving, listening wife, I feel like I am barely absorbing anything Will tells me right now. He has been quite busy and he is telling me about it. I want to respond to him, but feel like I am in a bubble of silence. I may even have something to say to him, like I walk into his office to tell him something, but nothing comes out of my mouth and I just walk away. I feel stuck in my own head. I feel like Beevus or Butthead, huh huh huh huhhuhhuhhuh. DUH.
This is not good. Really I need to get out of this... this... funk. Only its not like depression or even a real lack of sleep. Natalie is actually a good sleeper, once she is asleep which has been no later than 9:30 the last week. So I don't know what is going on.
Maybe my higher brain function was flushed out of me in the amniotic fluid that poured out? Maybe it was somehow attached to my placenta? (Which I have a picture of... they fascinate me, oh and its in my freezer.) But I think this started just before she was born.
Ugh. I can write out exactly what I want to say and how I feel but actually SAYING it, out loud? Its not happening.