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I'm not feeling gratitude today. Yes there are good things in my life and I am trying to focus on them. But I have this overwhelming feeling of doom right now. I have even gone to bed the last few nights with the fear that I would die in the night. What is that all about?

I am paranoid about the noises Natalie makes when she breaths sometimes. I worry about the swelling on her skull. I panic a little when she spits up profusely and it covers the front of me or soaks the prefold diaper that she sleeps on (because she spits up so often day and night).

She has a well child check up tomorrow. I didn't take Gwennie to the doctor unless she was actually sick until she was 9 months old. Well, I did take her in for the 1 week check up. I never worried about her health. So why am I so worried about Natalie? I do not like this feeling at all.

I think some of this worry and anxiety is interfering with how I function. Often instead of being productive while she sleeps, I will obsessively check her. She actually naps longer if I don't hold her.

I am not sure if I should worry about these feelings or not. Are they normal? Are they something that is associated with postpartum depression? Am I slowly going crazy?

Maybe what I really need is a good night's sleep...

2 comments:

Mo said...

I felt the same way after Emily and I definitely had post partum anxiety/ depression! I don't mean to alarm you but if the feelings are interfering with your normal functioning I would definitely go see someone. It is not worth suffering and being anxious and miserable while you should be enjoying your beautiful baby. Big hugs my friend! xx

Amanda said...

With each pregnancy the thought that something bad is going to happen gets worse for me. I look at my family and think "I can't possibly be this lucky" and on some level I'm always waiting for the bad thing to happen. It hasn't, and it probably wont ever. But it still is hard to believe it.

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