Some days it is a struggle to get out of bed. Its a struggle to function, to be a parent. Its a struggle to deal with strange little things like the way my period if behaving, totally abnormally, with day 4 of this weird spotting and the third day of cramps that feel different from cramps I've had before. I know I am not pregnant, and if I was I would be losing the baby. It feels sort of like that but there is more heaviness to it.
The 4 days of spotting concern me, but what can I do about it? Its a Saturday, the pain is tolerable as long as I do a number of things- keep my bladder empty, sit hunched up, and move around every once in a while.
I am on cycle day 31 now, my period should be here in full force. Its not. The PMS stage seems to be lingering and causing me to be a total... well you know. The depression I felt earlier in the week is still there, too. Which is causing me so much grief. I really want to find a hole to crawl into for the rest of the weekend (or until I feel better.) Instead I have to be mom. I have to clean up dog vomit, and pretend that nothing is wrong. When everything is, everything feels like its crashing down on me all at once.
Can I cry now?