A Vow: In Preparation. Liquids and Laxatives (TMI!)

Oh, yuck. Yuck yuck yuck. Um, yuckers.

Many of you should STOP READING RIGHT NOW! okay? I am not to blame if you learn way more than you EVER wanted to.

Okay, now.

I am living on liquids and laxatives today.* All I want to do is eat food, I keep thinking about bread, and popcorn, and lettuce wraps from Pei Wei. nom nom nom. Instead I may have chicken broth (no noodles or vegetables), jell-o (but not red of purple colored) and juice (clear). Gag.

My day started with a tasty breakfast of plain bagel and egg whites. Then at 9am, I had to take 4 Dulcolax tablets. Afterwards I could have liquids. At 1 pm I was to start a regimen of Miralax and juice, to equal 238grams of Miralax and 64 ounces of juice. Mix, chill and drink 8 ounces every 10-15 minutes until gone.


I chose white grape juice. I had gotten through approximately 48 ounces of the juice and suddenly it all came back up. Retch. I had to call the doctor and ask for advice. Her advice was to chill the juice, give my belly a half hour or so before starting again. My goal, I was told, (TMI Coming up!) is to basically be peeing out of my butt. The stuff coming out my backside should be yellowish clear. Well, I am nearly there. I have a couple more cups of the juice, which is now watered down and iced, which seems to be helping a little with the gag effect, to go.

I am so ready for today to be over. At least Will took the girls out for a little while, he had an errand to run, and is taking them to Bahama Bucks (lucky girls, I could have that, but can't be away from a toilet for long enough to get there, or even more than 5 minutes.)

Tomorrow I will have more exciting news about this procedure, hopefully the drugs they give me are awesome enough to make up for this day. And I hope Will knows we are stopping for Lettuce Wraps on the way home from the procedure**.

*Sounds like a Nirvana song lyric, I think. No cherry flavored antacids though.
**Is it wrong that I think of sex when I hear the word procedure? Its all Dooce's fault, after the birth of her oldest, she discusses how they "reconvened the procedure" as innuendo for resuming her sex life after baby. Its ruined the word procedure for me, forever. I think I may have even linked to that same post some time after Gwennie was born, when we, ahem, "reconvened the procedure". We unfortunately can not reconvene the procedure, at least not today. Tomorrow? we'll see.


Amie said...

LOL! I'm glad you at least have kept your sense of humor and have not pooped/peed it away!

2 weeks ago I went on a liquid fast for 17 days. So I don't much feel sorry for you. LOL!!!!! Nah, I'm just saying, you can do it. It's just a day or two. I also took laxatives to help clean me out. And yes, at one point, I was seriously thinking "ok if I didn't have hemmorhoids before....I definitely have them now!" Wipe wipe wipe away my friend. :)

leaner said...

I have a peri bottle left over from my last birth, I am doing more washing with that, and less wiping, it was too painful to wipe. I have actually been using that more lately, what with the roids and all.

Could you have liquids that weren't clear? (Smoothies?) That would make my day at this point.

BrieP said...

melly feels your pain. The squirts for two days with her now prabably went thru 40 diapers. She has a horrible rash.

Love you and love that you wrote this post!

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