I was given this award by three people. That is totally awesome. I wish I had been in a better state of mind and able to respond quickly. In order to receive this award, I am supposed to write ten honest things about myself. I am finding this hard to do, with out a very dark edge to it. (It took me four hours to write this.)
1. When I was younger I really disliked, bordering on hated, dogs. Really. We had one dog that I loved while growing up. I tolerated our dogs, but I only loved Spike, he was a Brittany spaniel that we got through a divorce of one of my dad's friends. It wasn't until my brother got a dog names Cur (she was a German Short-Hair pointer) that I saw how great a dog could be. And ever since we got Lily, I have been a dog lover.
2. When I am sick I like to watch really crappy Behind the Music type programs on TV and music videos, but since we got rid of cable, I end up watching Friends or Frasier on DVD.
3. I love American's Next Top Model, its a guilty pleasure of mine. I also enjoy Project Runway. But can't stand most reality shows.
4. I once took off with a boyfriend and lived with him in his van for 2 months. We went to Salt Lake City, UT and Denver, CO.
5. The only type of music I don't regularly listen to is country. But I will listen to it when I need to cry.
6. I would love to move to another state, but at the same time, I really want to stay here, it is an internal struggle that I battle with constantly.
7. I want to be a homebody, and have a super clean/organized house with a set schedule, instead I feel like I am running around like a chicken with her head cut off most of the time.
8. I am seeking counseling for myself, and when Will gets home, we will attend it as a couple. I don't know if it will help, but feel like it can't hurt us. For me, I think I need it. I am overwhelmed and struggling to cope at the moment.
9. You would never know (most days, yesterday was a total fluke, I lost the ability to hold it together) when you see me, that I am losing my mind. I hide my feelings and emotions well. I laugh it off while dying inside. This is not good and what is making me think maybe that I need couseling (see number 8.)
10. I really dislike talking on the phone. There, I said it. I will email to my hearts content, but talking on the phone is hard. I think that is partially why this deployment has been so hard. When your relationship is reliant upon those phone calls as a way to connect, and you dislike being on the phone... well it leads to a real disconnect between partners.
And now for those that I feel deserve this award...
I send it back to the three who gave it to me. Thanks Mo, Bodaat and Urban Homesteader!
I am picking 5. (Half the number of honest things they need to say!)
1. Tiff over at A Hatful of Nothing.
2. Alicia at How I Became a Tattooed Mommy.
3. Jess at Mommy Musings
4. Homeslice!
5. And Amie at Life with the Boys.
7 comments:
oh boy...what could I possibly say that you all don't already know!!?
This will be a tough one.
And I applaud your self-awareness right now.
I'm excited! This is a week of firsts for me, first hate-comment now my first blog award!?! It might take me a bit, like amie I'm hoping I can come up with stuff that everyone doesn't already know!
I absolutely love your total honesty about what you are feeling, it is one of the reasons I love reading your blog. Thank you for sharing so often what must be really difficult things to share. I know I wouldn't have the courage. I so feel for you when you are down Leaner, and I know I always say it but that makes it no less true, I am ALWAYS here for you. xxxx
Why thank you chica! This will be a very hard post for me... I don't like to talk about myself per se.
I love how honest you were in this, I hope I will do you proud.
Thanks, Hon. I will try my best to be as honest and heartfelt as you have been.
I will admit that I shamelessly love America's Next Top Model and Project Runway too. Can't get enough of them.
And I also loathe talking on the phone. I'm most likely a crappy friend because of it. Give me a piece of paper or a blank email, and I can write for hours. Get me on the phone, and there's a dreaded lull 5 minutes in.
Lastly, I'm happy that you've decided you'd like to try counseling, not because I think counseling is a must-do thing, but because YOU personally think it will help you. Saying it out loud and making the actual decision is very healthy. I wish you well on that journey.
I love it that you are so real and honest! It's quite refreshing!
You lived with a boyfriend out of a van for 2 months?! That is AWESOME! Seriously.
I hear ya on talking on the phone. Maybe because I do it for a living, I avoid it at all costs on my days off.
Good honesty, glad to get to know you a little bit better.
~Stephanie
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