I am angry. I am tired and I am sick. I am tired of being sick. I feel lost. I feel lonely. I do not feel happy. I am tired of staring at the computer. I am tired of waiting for him to call or email. I am tired of disappointment. I feel like nothing is going right. I am tired of my kids not listening to me. I am tired of yelling at my kids and threatening them because they don't listen to me. I am tired of summer, of heat, and sweat. I am tired of my house being a mess. I am tired of not having the energy to get off my butt and clean. I am tired of not having a routine, but am overwhelmed when I try to come up with one. I am tired of cooking, and also of not cooking. I am tired of not eating right because I can't muster the strength to make a good meal (one with vegetable, which I love, but am lacking in). I am tired of the television being on during meal time, because it fills a void left by his absence. I am tired of missing our family dinners.
Um, I think I might be a little depressed. And that is not a good thing.
I am tired of being a single parent. I am ready for this all to be over, to start the next step, the next journey. And I am just exhausted by knowing we still have a few more months.
2 comments:
you have come so far and i feel that you have been so brave through it all. you are incredibly awesome, in the truest sense, for doing everything that you do every day and by yourself. you truely deserve a big fat GOLD medal my friend! stay strong. i'll say a prayer for you and the girls and your hubby tonight. sending you a giant HUG!
I am so so so sorry... I don't know how you feel (b/c Leala was born yet when Kevin was gone), but I want you to know, that I'm here for you... He will be home one day.. One day, he'll be sitting right there with you and things will be okay.. I know it sucks right now. I know it does, but one day, it won't.
Hang in there...
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