20090109

The Dream Sequence

When I was younger I used to make up dream scenarios and then tell them to certain people. I did this to see how they would react. It was a way to protect my pride. If, say, in a dream I was married to a certain someone (that I really liked) it was just a dream, right. It wasn't like I was really telling him how I felt. But I could tell him about the "dream" jokingly to gauge a reaction. This worked pretty well, I found out that a certain guy I had been dating didn't love me or think he ever would, and he felt badly that I might love him. I left. It was easier that way. I shut him off.

I was also a master of running away. I ran from so many people. I ran away from friends, from lovers, from people who could have been important to me, had I let them in. I didn't want to get hurt, so I ran. Sometimes I even ran from a whole state to get away from those feelings and fears of hurt. If you ask my old friend DB he would tell you that.

I don't use the dream strategy anymore. I have never used it on Will for some reason. I have never had to, he has always been fairly easy to read in that sense, and I know he would never lead me on like that other guy had. I don't run from people anymore either. Its nearly impossible to do that with children. However I did run from Will once, and I am still paying for it. I will always pay for that because I hurt him and hurt me, and made both of us have a hard time trusting the other. Its one of those things I will forever regret.

I was wondering what strategies did you use to protect your heart.

10 comments:

Amie said...

Well, you're right, honesty is a big one. Sometimes you can't protect your heart--that's almost the nature of letting yourself fall in love and be vulnerable and susceptible to heart break. That's when you know it's true and that you're in it for the long haul--because protecting your heart isn't even an issue anymore. It's more the sharing of the heart.

That being said, I like to use Reynolds aluminum foil. It can protect just about anything and I see coupons for it all the time. =)

leaner said...

Yes the old aluminum foil heart case. That one works well!

Amy said...

I tend to think/expect the worst. That way, if I fail it doesn't hurt quite as much. (At least that's what I keep telling myself.)

In a dating relationship, I would tell myself it would never work out. If I liked someone, I would convince myself they didn't even know I existed.

I haven't done that in my marriage. Thankfully. I'm sure it would be doomed if I did. Jeff and the girls are really the only things I can be optimistic about. : )

Lisa G. said...

Interesting. I guess in my pessimistic past, I always imagined/feared/expected the worst, and then I was ready. Since the worst I could imagine never really happened (not because I live a charmed life, but because I can have a vivid imagination when it comes to dreaming up bad things), I was usually at least somewhat relieved.

Now I don't seem to find myself in situations where I need to protect myself so much (no boys to break my heart or vicious high school girls to destroy my already unsteady confidence ;) ). I guess now I rely more on my intuition about people and take more risks with the people I sense will be true to me, and guard against people I feel won't. It seems to be working pretty well so far.

tif-do said...

What a great post... I really have tried thinking about it. I'd have to say lying, I can't really explain it but I use to be a crimanal liar, to myself, to others. Lied about my feelings, lied about what was really important. Glad that I haven't had to be that way, in a long long time.

Alex's Human said...

I usually don't.. I tend to stand out in the middle of the road and usually get run over by whatever bus comes by...

Homey said...

that's a good question. i played a lot of games with my ex. tons, actually. i would shove him away and wait for him to call me, to see how long it took. usually i broke down first. i was always testing his honesty, his ability to be truthful with me. we both ended up losing. i'm really glad i don't have to play those games anymore. they are soul-sucking.

Everyday Mom Designs said...

I always expected the worst and went to extremes. If something happened and someone didn't like something I did, I would do the exact opposite, just to make them happy (even though it usually didn't).

I lived in a make-believe world... nothing seemed real.. Sometimes it is still hard to believe that I have done some of the actual things I've done.. like going to Japan and Guam.. it seems like just a story..

bodaat said...

I have the opposite problem. I tend to let everybody in to my life without figuring out if it's the best decision for me.

April said...

I tend to be really closed off and people assume I'm snobby. Then I spend the next few years trying to prove that I am not a snob and was just trying to avoid offending them by speaking at all. It's been quite a problem in my life. So, I was happy when I got your email stating that you thought I wasn't judgmental. I have never heard that from a new friend/accquaintance before. Intriguing.

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