Did you know that if no one comes to my house for weeks on end, I do not clean it? Yup, I need people to come over to keep my house clean. It is ridiculous. When Will is home, I do it for him. I feel like he deserves to come home to a clean (ish) house. Its rare that I clean for myself, although I should because when the dust builds up I stop being able to breath well in my bedroom at night. You would think that would keep my room clean, but it doesn't. Seriously it has been one of the dirtiest rooms in my house lately. (And I spend like 70% of my time in here because it is where my computer is!)
So today I am cleaning, because tomorrow handwork is being held here. I love handwork and the beautiful women who attend. I love talking to them, or even just listening. Its almost like what we had in Richmond, but not quite (there are kids there- and maybe not quite as much camaraderie.) But it works as a once a week chat-fest. I wish it felt as comfortable as the Richmond trip did. I really don't know why it doesn't. I have known these women longer, maybe it is because I KNOW them, and SEE them on a regular basis. Maybe because I am more reserved around them. Maybe it is the turnover from year to year. Some of them have seen me at my worst and maybe I feel the need to hide that from everyone.
Maybe it goes back to me being strong for this time, while Will is gone. If I let myself really feel how I feel, I lose it completely. Instead the sadness and tears eek out because of silly things. You want to know how many times I was teary eyed yesterday as I listened to NPR's coverage of the inauguration? Every other minute. I had to turn it off at one point before I began bawling. Now, I think it would have made me a little misty eyed normally, but this was tears streaming down my face. It was a release I rarely allow myself to have. It was a beautiful day, lovely speeches, lovely interviews. It just felt way more emotional than I think I would have normally felt.