Last night I had one of those dreams that I wake from and shiver with fear. I lay in bed unable to go back to sleep because the dream kept coming back to me whenever I closed my eyes. The images were so fresh and painful. Although that dream wasn't the worst I have had lately it has left me with a general feeling of... well I don't even have a word for it, I guess it is a mix of discomfort, loneliness, anger, sadness.
Normally (when Will is home) when I have these dreams I go to him for comfort, for reassurance, to be reminded that it was just my subconscious acting out some silly fear I have. But now? I had to wait and hope he would email me, because that would calm my fears. Just seeing his name in my inbox makes me feel more calm.
Last night I dreamed that we were able to go see him. It wasn't in Iraq, maybe a halfway point. Or maybe it was a ship. All I know is that he refused to let the girls and I stay in the room with him. We couldn't figure out why. He would hardly talk to me, like I was diseased or something.
I asked around and found out that he was seeing someone else. He didn't want her to find out that he had a wife. Everyone in the place knew he was with the other person, and no one knew about us. (Save a few who knew me before this.) I turned a corner, and saw him with her. I saw them holding each other. But I froze and could not make myself talk to him about it. Instead I turned back to the room he had given us, on the opposite end of the building/boat from him.
Now I know he isn't cheating on me. I know it, because it is not him, not something he would ever do. But it was one of those dreams that is so realistic and full of emotion that you wake up angry/sad/hurt at the person in the dream. I know that the dream was stupid, but it still shook me incredibly.
And when I did get an email from him today, it made me feel one hundred percent better.