Afraid of Failing

I have always been afraid. Afraid of heights, afraid of the dark, afraid of being alone, and afraid of failing.

I don't take chances. I don't do many of the things I know that I actually can. I sit back and make excuses for myself, my inability to do what I should. I feel like a joke when Will says things like (paraphrasing) "The reason Chuck and I are such good friends is because neither of us take no for an answer and we don't accept failure, from ourselves or those around us."

That was a slap in the face. I feel like a failure almost all of the time. I feel a desire to jump out of my simple box and try new things, but when it comes time to do it, I back out. I make excuses. Why?

We were at dinner the other night with Will's friend Chuck, and Will says (again paraphrasing) that Chuck's brother doesn't try because "All of his life he has been told he was talented, so now he is afraid of failing and not living up to the precedent that he thinks he should." Instead of trying and occasionally failing, and giving it all a good go, he sits back and does nothing. Another slap in the face. Is that my problem? I mean I have been told I was "smart" and "talented" my whole life. I was voted "Most Talented" in the class of 1996. I never thought that was a serious title, but still... has it affected me in this way? I thought that telling people that they are great, and smart and talented would boost their self esteem, yet I think back on the few friends I had with similar places in the school- the "gifted" class. They are all in the same place as I am- failing, is it because of a fear? Those who could have gone far, could have been a doctor, a lawyer, a scientist, an artist, we all sit in our own mire and wish for something better. Instead of making it for ourselves, instead of pushing ourselves to be all that we can be, we complain, we make excuses. We do nothing.

Well, I am going to stop the vicious cycle. I will do things even though I am afraid of failing at them. I am already on my way. I am this very moment taking accountability for my own actions, my own failures. And changing my mindset.

I am like every one else.
I need to try in order to succeed.
I need to better myself, because no one can better me besides me.
I will try, and in doing so, I will succeed.

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