First Birthday! Hooray!

Dearest Gwennie Bug,

Here we are, on your very first birthday. This has been an amazing year, and it went by way too quickly.

Your birth was healing to me, as I think in some way all births are. You changed me, making me stronger, making me trust in my own body as I had to totally give in to the process. One year ago, you were thrust into this cold world, but luckily, you were given to us, to keep warm and safe.

We have been on a journey, you and I. Yours to grow physically and mine to grow mentally. We struggled a bit, but mostly its been an easy one.

Daddy is your favorite person right now. In the morning, you always peek around me, to see if he is awake. Then if his eyes are not visible, you climb over me, and pull the pillow from his head so that you can wake him up. “Dadadadada,” you say, or sometimes just “dada” but always is means him. As for me, well you can sign milk, if you want to, but mostly I am chopped liver when it comes to you. Daddy is the best, and really how can I blame you? I don’t play with you like he does, I don’t kick a soccer ball in your direction so that you can grab it, pick it up and squeal in delight because you are playing with Dada! All I am good for is milk.

Really, I don’t care. I know that you love me, especially when he isn’t here, and you snuggle me very close. You have been giving me kisses for weeks, and he just started getting them (and only because you noticed me giving him a kiss and then had to do it, also!) We both love you so much that it really doesn’t matter who you like better.

You are a big girl, a pudgy sweet girl. Your smile lights up the room, and even though I have been battling depression as your first birthday nears, every time I look at you, I know it is all worth it. Your sweet demeanor makes me want to keep you at this age. Yet, I know that soon you will be even better. Soon you will tell me “mama, I love you.” And that will totally be worth all of it. Your hugs already give me little thrills, and the way you sometimes roll into me at night and throw your plump arm around me side, and pat me, just to make sure I am still there. It makes me happy, nostalgic for when your sister was little although she never snuggled quite like you. Still looking at your blond hair, and bluest of blue eyes, you look so much like her, and so much like someone else completely.

Just now, as I was typing this, you crawled up and made it onto my desk. You want to be near me, and that makes me feel good.


Although I wish for you to stay this age, I also can not wait to see the girl you will become, my tiny toddling sweet.


I love you,
My sweet chubby baby, my soon to be little girl,
Your Mama