Is it seasonal depression? Or something more?
All week long I have been feeling pretty down. I feel sad nearly all of the time, and unable to make myself just feel "Happy" its not constant, more like ups and downs like this big roller coaster of emotional being.
Today, its really down. I have hit an all time low. Will has even noticed it. I thought it was bad last night, because no matter what I did I could not get myself "in the mood" and we had a few hours of sleeping kid time, that would have been great to use in a getting to know eachother a little better way. But instead I could not commit my body or mind to that task. It was like I was in a numb zone.
Again, today is bad. I have homework, that it due tonight and I totally do not understand it. I can not wrap my mind around the concepts. I haven't taken chemistry since high school, and I am sorry but taking a class that your BISHOP is the teacher well- I didn't learn anything except the Tongan pronunciation of aluminum (or I guess its the way scientists say it... But it sounded weird and he is Tongan.) I have spent hours this week, pouring over a chapter in my book, trying to grasp atoms and molecules. Its like they are there, and I just can't use the remote to turn the channel to the one it all makes sense on. So I keep reading. I keep trying to understand. I just can't break the code.
Will is worried about post partum depression. When would that hit? Is it possible that I have that? I think its more seasonal= the unseasonal warmth, the lack of rain. I feel jipped out of the few days of winter. Yesterday and today have been 6 degrees below normal and its felt great, but I still feel empty.
I just want to feel happy, to laugh hysterically and feel full.