20050908

On here again...

DO I really not have a life? Is that it?

I am really upset- because I feel like nothing I do is appreciated. Will didn't even ASK me if I was going to help him pack for the ANG this week. He just assumed. Then he assumes that I can just cut his hair. Normally not a big deal, but the last time I tried to it came out so awfully that I am wary, plus with this belly in the way, well its not an easy accomplishment. He puts off everything to the last minute, and expects my help but gets all mad because I don't do it correctly.

Early he told me to come massage his legs- What the? I mean am I not the PREGNANT one here? Really?! I deserve a massage, and just because I never have asked him- he never offers.

I do so much and feel so unappreciated. He notices only when I do NOT do things. Like if I do not make dinner, then- "Where is dinner? I am starved." When I make dinner most nights it seems like he doesn't even notice.

Another thing that is really getting to me today is that I feel like the mess in our house is closing in on me. I am not even sure where to begin cleaning it, I get like this every now and again. Like the windows all need washed (cat noses leave gross little spots- like dogs only really small!) There are things stacked on top of everything. Will says we should downsize- but what? What do we get rid of? The things I want to get rid of or at least move out of the way- are all no gos for him. Like text books- when was the last time he OPENED one of them? They are there on the shelves, looking at me, coated in dust... and I can't get rid of them and there is no room in his office. Maybe if we had some nice bookshelves, that would work. Instead of the crappy ones we have currently, some 6 foot bookshelves that could be covered in crappy textbooks that aren't worth looking at anymore. (IE- Internet for Teachers. Not a useful book to begin with...)

I think it must partially be nesting, this extreme NEED to purge something. I only wish if it was that I would go into labor and get it over with, so that I wouldn't feel like screaming when I look around at the filth in my house. I need to just clean the master bedroom, and not leave it. The kitchen is just TOO much work and the living room is part of the kitchen- it never stays clean (no matter how many times a day I pick it up!)

I can feel tears forming, because I want everything to have a place, its so much easier to clean up when it does... but I don't even know where to begin!

3 comments:

hairball said...

honey, i know. i sometimes think we married the same guy that was an ameba that split in two different geeks. but then out of no where that special and rare moment happens that brings it back to being all worthwhile.......your moment is coming, just hold on a bit.

TLC said...

Man, I wish I was there to help get your house in order - I know EXACTLY how you feel about it. It's just clutter clutter clutter all around and there is no rhyme or reason for where things are placed. I would also massage your legs and bake you a few meals. I know I got all those things and more from my moms' group and it was much appreciated. We need to go back to that tribe mentality in childbearing years.
Will doesn't know how good he's got it! Do what you can (don't work too hard) and make peace with the rest.

dacheese said...

I am going thru the same thing right now. Except it is at this house where nothing is mine so nothing really cane be fixed. I went to get something from where the cereal is yeturday and I couldnt find anything so I cleaned it out. But everytime i do with 6 adults living here nothing stays right for more than a day. Our room doesnt fit anything either. I know you will get thru this, just as I will. I love you! Gwen will be here soon!

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