Not doing well

I am not doing well in my "Let go and Let God" approach to this baby and her position and her birth. I am really stressing myself out. I think its mostly because my midwife has called and scheduled the External Cephalic Version for Monday morning at 7 am. I am so afraid of what will happen. The risks are scary. I mean its possible that baby could flip over before then, and that this appointment will be pointless. Its also possible that I could go into labor at any moment and we would have to rush to the hospital immediately.
This is so not what I wanted.
I am so afraid that I am going to end up with a c-section. I am so afraid of it! I think that is the thing that is keeping me from relaxing the most and relaxing is the thing I need to do most.
I think I need to have a really good cry, but I am so afraid to let it out. I really need to, I just don't want Will to see how really, truly afraid I am.
For now, I am going to go downstairs and watch some TV in "stink bug" position. Maybe she just needs some more room.
Tomorrow I will go back and have the chiropractor adjust me again.
something has to work- God wouldn't really WANT me to have surgery would He? I mean, unless this is to teach me that I need to trust in Him more? Oh I don't know. This has brought out a lot of feelings I wasn't aware of...
It will be ok, and in no time at all I will have my baby- she will be ok- and no matter how she comes out of me I will love her none-the-less.

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