Morning time and calmer

Ah sleep, you have given me a renewed outlook. I feel so much better.
I feel calmer about the whole "might be breech" thing. She has gotten herself comfy in there, so we'll just have to wait and see what happens at the u/s. We'll just have to leave it all in God's willing and capable hands. This baby will come when its her time, and everything will be fine. I just need to LET GO AND LET GOD.

Why is that such a hard thing to do? Relinquishing control over any situation, its the most difficult thing to do. When I should just relax and let life flow over me, allowing the situations to unfold as He sees fit. Why is it so hard?

Maybe this is what is holding me back, its what is holding her in (not that I am totally ready for her to pop out! I want her to stay put a bit longer, so I can go to Collin's 1st birthday party and maybe even make it to Bri's baby shower next weekend...) Maybe she is beign stubborn and placing herself in an uncomfortable position because I need to relax.

The excruciating pain of yesterday seems to have subsided, but my back still aches.

When I told Will, he wanted to know what the plan was. Well really until we know for sure if she is breech, there is no plan. He said in EMT training he took (years ago) that if the baby is breech then we should goi striaght to the hospital. I am so afraid that if she is- this will be what happens. I do not want to deliver at the hospital. I want her at home, I want to welcome her into our family IN OUR HOME, not in a sterile cold environment. So until monday, I just have to wait and see what will happen. Because if it all makes Will too uncomfortable and he worries too much, then I can't really do anything but go along with him. I need his support in this.

Why did this have to happen at 37 weeks? Why couldn't she just keep her head in my pelvis? She'd been that way for months! Why change now? Did she? Oh so many questions- no answers for the moment.


TLC said...

Isn't it how it always works out? It takes things that are totally out of our control to finally realize how God is in it all - all of it - the good the bad, the fabulous the not so glamorous, the rough the tough, the ups the downs. He's in it all. Our job is to call out to Him and ask Him to meet us where we are and to give us the grace to accept he's right there with us.
I'm praying for comfort and peace to come over you and balm the areas that need to be soothed - for you and Will.

You are right in pointing out how your little could be holding out for you to find that peaceful space within. Wisdom like that only comes from surrendering.

Let GO and LET GOD!

leaner said...

Yes, let just hope that is all it is- me needing to surrender all control.

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