Unmade

I have gotten up to clean a few times this afternoon, each time I get a tiny bit of work done- I come back and sit down and try to figure out what I can do online that will keep me from my "chores." Really I am not thinking that, I am thinking I should really make the bed at least. But its 2:30 and well I am going to climb back into it in a few hours anyway, right? Usually making the bed is the very first thing I do in the morning. It has always been the one thing I made sure was done before I even left the bedroom, what has made me neglect even this most tiny of tasks?

Is it laziness? I don't think that is quite it, I mean if I were lazy I wouldn't have just donned gloves and mask to clean the cats litter boxes (yucky task!) I wouldn't have done the dishes earlier, either. So what is up? I think that I just don't care as much. Its Friday- so aren't I entitled to a bit of "TGIF?" I mean normal "working folks" get to slack a bit more on Fridays. So shouldn't I? The dishes and litter box really COULD have waited, but they start to smell if not taken care of. While the unmade bed, it doesn't.

I have so many plans of things I want to accomplish before this baby is born, but I have no desire to do them! I just keep waiting hoping for some hardcore nesting (and hopefully 1 month of it at least!) But it just hasn't even started really. I have had a few bouts of uncontrollable cleaning, but I tire quickly and stop after only a few minutes.

Maybe its just that this time, I know the house doesn't need to be perfect. Its more important to spend these last few weeks enjoying Rhayn and Will. I know that after baby things will get hectic and hard. I am not going to have my mom or even the option of my mom coming to stay with me. My sister is going to need her more. But I am hoping I can get Will to at least clean the house a bit more in the weeks following the birth. We'll see.

Another thing I am really worrying about is how Will is going to react to me in pain. He didn't do so well when I was miscarrying, and I am sure I will need and want his support. He doesn't realize how scary this is for me. I mean I have chosen the homebirth, my midwife, my way. It is still scary.

I am babbling- its this whole not wanting to do anything. maybe I should go lay in my unmade bed and take a nap...