Terror

She has been so good, so careful of the stairs. I wasn't shutting the gates quite as diligently as I had been.

I ran upstairs to check look for a Naan recipe online. She climbed slowly up the stairs behind me (like in this picture.) I didn't worry at all.

Then she turned around at the top of the stairs. She reached for the gate, to shut it. She fell. I leaped out of my seat. I made it to the stairs in enough time to watch her rag doll body flung from step to step. Bang. Bam. Boom. She hit the bottom head first. My heart pounding in my throat. I rush down the stairs(but not too quickly, I was shaking, so afraid.)

I gather her into my arms, and hold her close. She cries. I offer my breast, and check her out. Nothing seems amiss. She seemed scared, and I think it scared the crap out of her (literally.) But it seems she is ok.

I will be more careful, I hope she will be more careful.

Watching her small body hitting step after step reminded me of the time that Rhayn fell into the lake. I knew she would. I was so afraid of it. Then I watched her tiny two year old self, in the water, I could see her clearly even though the water was greenish. It gave me nightmares for years. Rhayn did not get to go swimming until she was 4 ( and it was MOSTLY because of that, amd a little because of her having tubes in her ears.)