20111031
Just a Quickie
Natalie is on the mend from her illness. Today she is covered in a small rash. I took her to the doctor and they believe its just a virus and that her vaccine reactions were really the virus and not the vaccine (or compounded by the virus). She seems to be feeling quite a lot better today.
Rhayn was sick last night, and this morning. She had to stay home from school with her puke bowl and is having a "Harry Potter-a-thon" while
Gwennie is at school. I am missing the festivities because I am here with sickies.
I am not yet sure what we are doing to trick or treating tonight. We had a plan, and as long as Rhayn feels somewhat better we'll execute as planned. My fingers are crossed that she does, because I bought her a costume... I want to see her wear it!
Rhayn was sick last night, and this morning. She had to stay home from school with her puke bowl and is having a "Harry Potter-a-thon" while
Gwennie is at school. I am missing the festivities because I am here with sickies.
I am not yet sure what we are doing to trick or treating tonight. We had a plan, and as long as Rhayn feels somewhat better we'll execute as planned. My fingers are crossed that she does, because I bought her a costume... I want to see her wear it!
20111028
2 Things
Today at 5am, Natalie's fever spiked back up to 103.6. Scary. A dose of tylenol and hours of snuggling in the recliner were in order. Around 7 I made sure the girls were up and set an unhappy Nan on the floor while I got dressed.
At school finally, totally tired from 2 early mornings. I decided that if at 9am she was still feeling cruddy I would take her to the urgent care. Fortunately for us all, I stopped at Target to pick up some infant advil, and even before I gave it to her, she smiled and started acting more like herself again. So I decided to avoid the cesspool of germs that is often called an urgent care.
We came home and snuggled in the chair then she crawled on the floor happily for a while. (She would begin fussing every now and again.)
During one of her screaming fits, I noticed that toothy #2 broke the gum today. That must have exasperated her cruddy feeling for sure. Hopefully it doesn't cause her any more grief now.
At school finally, totally tired from 2 early mornings. I decided that if at 9am she was still feeling cruddy I would take her to the urgent care. Fortunately for us all, I stopped at Target to pick up some infant advil, and even before I gave it to her, she smiled and started acting more like herself again. So I decided to avoid the cesspool of germs that is often called an urgent care.
We came home and snuggled in the chair then she crawled on the floor happily for a while. (She would begin fussing every now and again.)
During one of her screaming fits, I noticed that toothy #2 broke the gum today. That must have exasperated her cruddy feeling for sure. Hopefully it doesn't cause her any more grief now.
20111027
Vaccines and Reactions
Yesterday Natalie had her (late) six month well-child exam. She seemed fine, but as soon as I put Natalie on the exam table so that the nurse could take her temperature and measure her, she started screaming. She was fine as long as I held her.
After the nurse left, there was a nearly 30 minute lapse before Dr. Lai came in. Not fun, especially since Natalie spit-up on me a few times in the 30 minutes.
Dr. Lai said her stats were great, 17 1/2 pounds puts her between the 50-75th percentile for weight and at 27 inches, she is in the 75th for length. Her growth is right on track. Everything seems perfect, except for her cephalohematoma. The bump on her head hasn't gotten any smaller in a few months. Unless you know its there you don't see it, but you can feel it. Dr. Lai could give me a referral for a neurosurgeon to look at it, and see if anything can be done. But I opted out of that (at this time).
Then it was time for vaccines. The nurse came in with three shots, a combo of five: hepatitis B, haemophilus influensae type B (hib), polio, pneumococcal conjugate, diptheria tetanus and pertussis (DTaP). I knew this part wouldn't be fun. I was prepared for the crying/screaming from that.
We came home, and I knew she'd get fussy. She usually sleeps for the next 24ish hours on and off after her shots. But by evening I knew this was worse.
Her temperature was elevated to 101.5. I gave her tylenol, and she rested well. Until 5ish this morning when her temperature spiked up above 103 and she was so uncomfortable and miserable. Tylenol time again. I sat in my comfy chair and held my sweet, hot baby until she felt better. Hoping she would feel better. While the girls ate breakfast, she threw up. Not a little spit up, but heaving puking. She was cleaned up and Rhayn helped by making the girls lunch (she has also made them breakfast).
My day involved much baby holding, and snuggling. I even made a call to her doctor to see if I should be worried. The nurse called me back within 10 minutes, she didn't seem worried, but felt that if the fever didn't go down with tylenol I could give her ibuprofen (which I didn't/don't have) every few hours. If that didn't help then she instructed me to take her to the urgent care.
I never did take her in.
She is still not feeling well, and now she has some serious diaper rash from pooping like 30 times today.
But I really hope she feels better tomorrow. Though it seems that this is all listed in the "mild reactions" on the vaccine information sheets, this doesn't seem mild to me. Sigh.
After the nurse left, there was a nearly 30 minute lapse before Dr. Lai came in. Not fun, especially since Natalie spit-up on me a few times in the 30 minutes.
Dr. Lai said her stats were great, 17 1/2 pounds puts her between the 50-75th percentile for weight and at 27 inches, she is in the 75th for length. Her growth is right on track. Everything seems perfect, except for her cephalohematoma. The bump on her head hasn't gotten any smaller in a few months. Unless you know its there you don't see it, but you can feel it. Dr. Lai could give me a referral for a neurosurgeon to look at it, and see if anything can be done. But I opted out of that (at this time).
Then it was time for vaccines. The nurse came in with three shots, a combo of five: hepatitis B, haemophilus influensae type B (hib), polio, pneumococcal conjugate, diptheria tetanus and pertussis (DTaP). I knew this part wouldn't be fun. I was prepared for the crying/screaming from that.
We came home, and I knew she'd get fussy. She usually sleeps for the next 24ish hours on and off after her shots. But by evening I knew this was worse.
Her temperature was elevated to 101.5. I gave her tylenol, and she rested well. Until 5ish this morning when her temperature spiked up above 103 and she was so uncomfortable and miserable. Tylenol time again. I sat in my comfy chair and held my sweet, hot baby until she felt better. Hoping she would feel better. While the girls ate breakfast, she threw up. Not a little spit up, but heaving puking. She was cleaned up and Rhayn helped by making the girls lunch (she has also made them breakfast).
My day involved much baby holding, and snuggling. I even made a call to her doctor to see if I should be worried. The nurse called me back within 10 minutes, she didn't seem worried, but felt that if the fever didn't go down with tylenol I could give her ibuprofen (which I didn't/don't have) every few hours. If that didn't help then she instructed me to take her to the urgent care.
I never did take her in.
She is still not feeling well, and now she has some serious diaper rash from pooping like 30 times today.
But I really hope she feels better tomorrow. Though it seems that this is all listed in the "mild reactions" on the vaccine information sheets, this doesn't seem mild to me. Sigh.
20111024
Last night I got little sleep. I went to bed at my normal time. I even did my normal things- read for a little while and watched a little television. But my brain would. not. shut. off. I felt like the world was pressing down on me. I felt like tomorrow would bring a tragedy and I could possibly stop it, if only I could figure out what it was.
I had taken a nap earlier in the day and maybe that hindered my sleep. I had also nearly fallen asleep while snuggling with Will on the couch watching Antiques Roadshow before heading off to bed.
Around 1 ish, I had dozed off and had a sort-of dream about Will wrecking on the way to Sierra Vista. He usually leaves the house around 4:30am so I knew he'd still be sleeping on the couch. (Again, this is because our bed is too soft and gives him back pain.) I picked up Natalie, and we went to sleep on the couch by him.
It worked. I suppose I just needed to be near him. I miss slumbering next to him. I look forward to the day we can buy a new mattress and be bed buddies again.
When he left, I took Natalie and headed back upstairs to try and sleep until my alarm went off at 6:11.
Yawn. Its going to be a very long day.
I had taken a nap earlier in the day and maybe that hindered my sleep. I had also nearly fallen asleep while snuggling with Will on the couch watching Antiques Roadshow before heading off to bed.
Around 1 ish, I had dozed off and had a sort-of dream about Will wrecking on the way to Sierra Vista. He usually leaves the house around 4:30am so I knew he'd still be sleeping on the couch. (Again, this is because our bed is too soft and gives him back pain.) I picked up Natalie, and we went to sleep on the couch by him.
It worked. I suppose I just needed to be near him. I miss slumbering next to him. I look forward to the day we can buy a new mattress and be bed buddies again.
When he left, I took Natalie and headed back upstairs to try and sleep until my alarm went off at 6:11.
Yawn. Its going to be a very long day.
20111023
20111022
Michaelmas
I am starting to wonder if maybe there is something wrong with me. I spend far too much time day dreaming. So many crazy things have happened lately, including putting offers in on houses in Sierra Vista, so I sit and ponder what will happen later if x, y, z happens first. I imagine moving sooner than the end of the semester.
I love the school our girls go to, and they love it as well, but I am so ready for the next phase of our life. I am ready to move into our new home (when we get one) and start fixing it up and living our life. I am ready to see my city girls become country bumpkins, covered in dirt and dust and wearing wranglers.
Yesterday there was an accident at the girls school. It was the annual Michaelmas Festival, and after the children all went through an obstacle course there was a performance. The early childhood, preschool and kinder, were in their classes, as there is a dragon and they feel some of the performances are a little scary for the wee ones. I kept walking back and forth between the performances and Gwennie's class. There is a point when one of the grades comes out wearing a dragon costume , think Chinese New Year dragon, and its usually really neat. Only the piano that they had up on the "stage" tipped over and landed on a student. She started screaming and for a short time there was chaos, though things were quickly taken care of. Emergency services were called and the girl was taken away in an ambulance a short time later.
But a piano fell on her. Imagine if it had been one the kindergarteners? Imagine if... and yes my mind has imagined a million scenarios. Not fun. But I thought I was fine with it. I mean, she'll live, her leg will eventually heal.
So why did I keep waking up last night hearing her screaming?
And even today, I feel numb. There were a lot of people closer to her and the incident, I was about fifteen feet away and I only heard the piano fall and the cacophony. I picture the fast action of Rhayn's teacher, grabbing one of the mom's (who is a doctor) out of the crowd before most of the people even had time to realize what had happened. In my mind I play it over and over. But why? I feel stupid. Yes it was scary, yes someone was hurt. No I don't even know who she is. I'm sure I've seen her around, its a small school.
Last night's poor sleep is making today difficult. I feel like a living dead girl.
I think tonight shall be an early night.
20111020
Accepting Death

Long ago, a family lived just down the street from this "big rock". The kids often strolled past it while going about their daily business. In the 1920s and 1930s they grew up in a teeny, tiny South Dakota town. Not too far from DeSmet, SD (of Laura Ingalls Wilder fame). Eventually getting married and having their own children.
In the 1940s, the lovely lady on the left, Loretta went to California to work. She met a wonderful man named Lynn, and married him, starting my family line.
In the late 1950s, my mom was born, the youngest of 6 children.
For years Loretta would fly home to South Dakota (sometimes she would drive) to visit the big rock, and her sister.
In the 1970s she brought her children, and as the family story goes, my dad asked my mom if she wanted a beer, (he was raised Lutheran) and she declined but they started writing letters to each other. He eventually moved to Arizona to work on the family farm and to marry my mom.
Loretta later brought grandchildren with her, mostly my family because our dad is from this same miniscule town in South Dakota (and we were able to visit both sides of our family).
We got to know her sister, our Great-Aunt D. We were lucky, my baby sister and I, a new generation of sisters, listening to an older generation of sisters as one crocheted and the other gladly took out her mistakes. Joking, laughing, loving, always loving.
I think we knew these old biddies best of all.
I'll never regret those trips to, what I consider, our homeland.
I'll never regret those long hours and days listening to the old stories and fun times with these women.
But a few weeks ago my Aunt D passed away.
And my Grandma is 90.
Things change.
And all I have are those memories, fleeting thoughts, from many trips to Ramona, South Dakota.
Memories of sisters.
I hold those dear.
Especially now.
When only one half of those "twins" are still here on Earth.
20111019
Today all three of my lovely ladies had their pictures taken. The lady who does the school portraits also does sibling portraits in the morning. I look forward to seeing the final results.
Once again Natalie is ill. Maybe she never fully got over the last cold. She once again has sneezes and a runny nose (though it is clear) and fussiness. Over the weekend Natalie was so fussy we ended up giving her tylenol twice. She was teething, her gum swollen and red. Her tooth broke through on Sunday, and it is still slowly pushing up. It may be what is causing her irritation, but maybe not.
Last night it took a long while for me to fall asleep. Then Natalie kept waking up fussing. She wasn't fully waking up and didn't really want to nurse. It was more like whimpering. She is sleeping in my arms right now, and I am really hopeful that she will sleep well tonight and we will all wake up much happier tomorrow.
If not, no biggie because my day tomorrow is wide open during the school day. I am really looking forward to a day at home.
I ordered a doll kit from Weir Dolls to make Natalie a doll. I also need to get started on Christmas gifts if I want to make many handmade gifts. I suppose I should make a list of what I want to get done.
And as always I am trying to not dwell on our move.
Once again Natalie is ill. Maybe she never fully got over the last cold. She once again has sneezes and a runny nose (though it is clear) and fussiness. Over the weekend Natalie was so fussy we ended up giving her tylenol twice. She was teething, her gum swollen and red. Her tooth broke through on Sunday, and it is still slowly pushing up. It may be what is causing her irritation, but maybe not.
Last night it took a long while for me to fall asleep. Then Natalie kept waking up fussing. She wasn't fully waking up and didn't really want to nurse. It was more like whimpering. She is sleeping in my arms right now, and I am really hopeful that she will sleep well tonight and we will all wake up much happier tomorrow.
If not, no biggie because my day tomorrow is wide open during the school day. I am really looking forward to a day at home.
I ordered a doll kit from Weir Dolls to make Natalie a doll. I also need to get started on Christmas gifts if I want to make many handmade gifts. I suppose I should make a list of what I want to get done.
And as always I am trying to not dwell on our move.
20111017
Weekly Gratitude
This week I am feeling grateful for
~finally getting down to what may very well be our new home a few weekends ago. Just going down there gave me a huge sense of relief about the prospect of moving.
~An oldest child who is such a huge help, this weekend without even being asked she took her baby sister upstairs and showed her the guinea pigs while Will and I did some (much needed) yard work.
~listening to Gwennie sing songs school softly while she plays.
~a baby with one new tooth and the ability to crawl. Look out world! She is coming to get you!
~friends and birthday parties, one that was celebrating the fall we aren't really feeling yet, and another that celebrated the never ending summer with a pool party in October.
~finally getting down to what may very well be our new home a few weekends ago. Just going down there gave me a huge sense of relief about the prospect of moving.
~An oldest child who is such a huge help, this weekend without even being asked she took her baby sister upstairs and showed her the guinea pigs while Will and I did some (much needed) yard work.
~listening to Gwennie sing songs school softly while she plays.
~a baby with one new tooth and the ability to crawl. Look out world! She is coming to get you!
~friends and birthday parties, one that was celebrating the fall we aren't really feeling yet, and another that celebrated the never ending summer with a pool party in October.
20111016
20111013
These days are filled with thoughts and plans.
But mostly they are filled with
slowed down moments because
she won't stay little for much longer
and right now,
she needs me to sit in the chair
to feed her,
to love her,
to change her diaper,
to hold her close,
to snuggle,
and just be her mama.
Until she runs off to school
like her big sisters,
and then I can get back to being super productive.
Until then,
this messy house
is just part of life.
(This makes me feel crazy sometimes. I need to remind myself that this is temporary and someday I will yearn for these baby days.)
slowed down moments because
she won't stay little for much longer
and right now,
she needs me to sit in the chair
to feed her,
to love her,
to change her diaper,
to hold her close,
to snuggle,
and just be her mama.
Until she runs off to school
like her big sisters,
and then I can get back to being super productive.
this messy house
is just part of life.
(This makes me feel crazy sometimes. I need to remind myself that this is temporary and someday I will yearn for these baby days.)
20111011
Sierra Vista part 2
(Its been a few days, and Will has found another that we could be happy with that is quite a lot less money.)
We left the property and drove out of town and down a looooooong dirt road to see where another property was. Both Will and I laughed at the thought of living that far out of town and down a road that looked like it washes out seasonally.
Between the property we loved and the one we laughed about, we were driving along Highway 90. Will mentioned that this was a long drive and this property better be amazing. As he said that we crested a small hill and looked down at the San Pedro River. It was beautiful. Huge cottonwoods surround the river.
In the morning we slowly got ready to go. Leaving was hard. Really hard. I don't like doing it, but it was worth the drive and uncomfortableness of sleeping in a one bedroom upstairs apartment to spend time with Will.
20111010
Sierra Vista part 1
About a week ago I realized that we had a perfect weekend to go visit Will and check out this town we are probably moving to. The girls had a half day on Friday and no school Monday. So after some emailing back and forth, finding a place for our dog to hang out for 3 days, and a conversation via Gmail video chat, the girls and I packed up and headed to Sierra Vista, Arizona after school on Friday.
Its a long drive from our house to S.V. It takes a little over 3 hours, depending on traffic. That is forever for small children. Also, Nan picked up a cold this week, her nose was runny on Friday but that was it. We listened to Mr. Popper's Penguins all the way there.
Once we passed Tucson, with a little more than an hour still to go, the scenery started to change. It was lovely. And we all started getting more excited. When we finally turned off of I-10 we knew that the majority of our trip was behind us and we were close, so close to Daddy.
We pulled up to his apartment complex and I parked by his truck. I called him because I forgot to write down his apt. number. He came out and the girls and I all hugged him gladly. We hadn't seen him in weeks.
After we ate dinner we loaded into the car and drove around S.V. He showed us how small the town is, and how pretty. We made it back to his apartment and settled in for the night.
In the morning we ate and dressed. The girls ran downstairs and played right outside of his apartment. Then we drove to the park for the car show that was being held there. It was interesting. The girls got to throw balls and dunk a police officer. (I'll post pictures of that later.) Gwennie was given a balloon, we watched some young men give a welding demonstration.
We left the park and grabbed Subway on our way to a picnic on base near this bridge. It was amazing. This creek ran by us, and we were able to watch an Acorn Woodpecker bury his acorns in an old tree. The girls made friends with some girls who live on base and whose dad is currently deployed. Will and I looked at rocks and plants and just enjoyed being outside together. 
After our picnic lunch we had to run into Target to purchase a new outfit for Nan, because she had a poopsplosion. Will also took us around the base to see where he works. Upon leaving Target we headed out of town. Will had scheduled a house viewing. There is a house for sale on 8 acres of land to the east of town and he wanted us to see it.
Its a long drive from our house to S.V. It takes a little over 3 hours, depending on traffic. That is forever for small children. Also, Nan picked up a cold this week, her nose was runny on Friday but that was it. We listened to Mr. Popper's Penguins all the way there.
Once we passed Tucson, with a little more than an hour still to go, the scenery started to change. It was lovely. And we all started getting more excited. When we finally turned off of I-10 we knew that the majority of our trip was behind us and we were close, so close to Daddy.
After we ate dinner we loaded into the car and drove around S.V. He showed us how small the town is, and how pretty. We made it back to his apartment and settled in for the night.
In the morning we ate and dressed. The girls ran downstairs and played right outside of his apartment. Then we drove to the park for the car show that was being held there. It was interesting. The girls got to throw balls and dunk a police officer. (I'll post pictures of that later.) Gwennie was given a balloon, we watched some young men give a welding demonstration.
After our picnic lunch we had to run into Target to purchase a new outfit for Nan, because she had a poopsplosion. Will also took us around the base to see where he works. Upon leaving Target we headed out of town. Will had scheduled a house viewing. There is a house for sale on 8 acres of land to the east of town and he wanted us to see it.
20111007
20111006
Random
Weather for This Sunny Place, AZ
![]() | 69°F | °C | Thu | Fri | Sat | Sun | |||||
| Cloudy | ||||||||||
| Wind: W at 16 mph | ||||||||||
| Humidity: 53% | 79° | 59° | 77° | 59° | 83° | 63° | 90° | 66° | ||
This is our forecast. This is the reason that even though I slept fitfully all night, I am so very happy. I have windows open. I left the window in my room open all. night. And it felt good.
All night my brain was on over drive. Tomorrow we are going to visit Will for the first time. The girls and I haven't seen the place we may very well be moving. I invited Gwennie's entire class to the park after school to celebrate her birthday. We're having that next Wednesday and I feel a little anxious about it. I know it will turn out fine, I just need to buy a cake (Costco, whoo hoo!) and get small plates. It should be fun for the kids and I look forward to seeing some of the parents.
Last night I dreamed that Gwennie's teacher Ms. H told me that she was ready for 1st grade and would be moved into the 1st grade class next week. In my dream I was so happy that she was ready but mad because she wouldn't get the full Kindergarten experience. I was so torn.
I think this is because yesterday I had parent/teacher conferences with both girls' teachers. Gwennie is the 4th oldest in her class. But that is really an whole other post.
And for now, I need to go wake up the girls and get this beautiful day started.
20111005
Confessional
Last night I had a hot flash. Like an "I want to throw all of my clothes off and stand in front of the fan" kind of flash. What is that all about? I was sweaty and uncomfortable. And outside it was cool and lovely because a storm blew through the city.
Last night I felt like a terrible mom, because Nan wanted to play and I wanted to go to bed. She is practicing crawling and sitting and it makes it hard for her to sleep.
Now for the really bad mom part.
On my bed if the baby monitor. I use it nearly every morning because I wake at 6 and Nan usually wakes at 7. So that is bad, right? Well last night as I was standing in front of and facing the fan trying to cool off, she pulled the baby monitor and stuck the cord in her mouth. The live end of it that plugs into the monitor. AND it was plugged into the wall.
And...
I was mad at her for crying.
And...
it was not the first time she's stuck a cord in her mouth and gotten a little shock.
She screamed and cried and we stood in front of the fan while I started to cry. When she finally calmed down I had to turn the light off to get her to understand it was BED time.
Last night I felt like a terrible mom, because Nan wanted to play and I wanted to go to bed. She is practicing crawling and sitting and it makes it hard for her to sleep.
Now for the really bad mom part.
On my bed if the baby monitor. I use it nearly every morning because I wake at 6 and Nan usually wakes at 7. So that is bad, right? Well last night as I was standing in front of and facing the fan trying to cool off, she pulled the baby monitor and stuck the cord in her mouth. The live end of it that plugs into the monitor. AND it was plugged into the wall.
And...
I was mad at her for crying.
And...
it was not the first time she's stuck a cord in her mouth and gotten a little shock.
She screamed and cried and we stood in front of the fan while I started to cry. When she finally calmed down I had to turn the light off to get her to understand it was BED time.
20111002
20111001
6 Month Newsletter
You are half a year old now. I knew it was coming, sneaking up fast on us. But it hit me hard the day it happened. Maybe because you turned 6 months the day your big sister turned 6 years. That was hard to take.
This last month you pretty much stayed how you've been. Rolling around on the floor makes you happy. But you also love more than anything to be held while we walk around. You are finally able to balance well enough to sit up. When we are out and I need to put you down for just a moment, I can set you on your tushy and you stay happily reaching for all that is in front of you.
I have started signing with you, using the signs for milk, more, all done, cat, dog. I don't know if you get any of them yet. But we'll see.
Last weekend we went on an overnight family trip to Flagstaff. While we were there you tried out a swing for the first time. I placed you in it and you smiled very big. I pushed you slowly and you were still happy. Then Rhayn came over, she pushed you big and you did not like that. Your bottom lip popped out, you looked terrified. I had to tell her that it was your first time in a swing and you weren't yet sure of it. She felt like a bad big sister for that, but we all do those kind of things and regret them.
But I will enjoy this part, holding on to you tightly before your wings unfurl and you flit away from me.
~mama
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