Nicknames, again.

Blowing raspberries at you all!

As you may all know, I still don't love the name Natalie. I think its the way the "Na" sounds really nasally when some kids say it, it sounds like "nyah tlee". It bugs me. I can't really explain why. But I have been thinking of nicknames for her. Maybe if they called her "Nah tuh lee" I would be more ok with her name... I don't know.

I tried "yaya" but it didn't stick.
Then Naya, Nah Jah, Nalie, Nanny, Natty, Noni, and Lee Lee.

Nanny is the one that sticks the most. Lee Lee (though super cute) is way too close to our dog's name (Lily). Natty is the name of one of my high school chum's wife (and that is weird to me). Gwennie and I were reading a book tonight with the name Nan in it. I think I really like Nan. Its cute and short and sweet.

Why not Nana you ask? Well my sister has a beautiful little 1 year old girl named Savannah. Everyone calls her Nah nuh (like banana). They are too close in age and we spend a bit of time with her, so that is out.

When I was pregnant with Gwennie we liked the name Hannah. It was too far up on the popular names list, and I knew she was Gwennie, there was no other name for her. But I thought of Hannah for Natalie, too. It was still to popular for me, but Natalie is also quite popular. I hate that. I hate hearing her name everywhere we go. It is cool to see it on things, like pacifiers and water bottles.

Ugh. I know that even though I "knew" Gwennie was Gwennie, I had a hard time calling her that when she was little. (I've written that before.) So I guess I have hope that I will fall in love with the name Natalie.

But until then... maybe we can all call her Nan? And maybe it will stick. My little Nanny Nan Nan.

Random Freak Outs.

I feel the panicky feeling I get sometimes, it hits me slowly at first. But after a short time it smacks me with shortness of breath and and overwhelming feeling that life is out of control.

This post is random and all over the place. Here is a picture, before you read all of this crap.
This last year has been such a struggle for me. I have felt let down and disappointed over and over. Natalie's birth was nothing like I wanted it to be and I am still processing it. Of course I love her, and really wouldn't trade her for the boy I thought she was. And she is different than I thought she'd be. I wanted a lump-like baby, but she is busy. She gets all over the place by rolling and she's barely 5 months. She has grown out of her baby clothes quickly and I have donated them as fast as she has done that, because hanging on to them makes me sad. (Though I have a box of my favorite outfits to be given to family.) She wants to eat food, and I didn't want to give her any. I have been putting a little bit of food on her tray and she touches it, and puts it in her mouth. Last night she destroyed a piece of lettuce with just her gums.

The summer zipped by in a flurry of hot, hot days. I had plans for it, but none of them came to fruition.

Gwennie starting kindergarten was great for her. And as I stand on the playground with her in the morning, watching her plan and sweating like crazy, I know I don't want to move her partway through the school year.

And we still don't exactly know what is going on. Will is there, living his geo-bachelor life, coming home on the weekends (when he doesn't have drill in CA). Eventually we will go visit him there some weekends, too. But not yet.

Rhayn is here, and I feel like I am neglecting her, missing out on her. And most of the time she is a great person to talk to. But I take out my frustrations on her, and I feel like a terrible person. No, I am a terrible mom for doing that.

There are moments when our house feels like it is closing in on me. These do not happen often. Thankfully.

Natalie is 5 months old

Silent Sunday

Photo Friday- Cool

In this never ending Arizona summer heat, we were able to stay COOL for just a little while today, thanks to a friend with a pool.

"Mom on Star Trek, who has purple blood? They have those wrinkles on their heads."
"Klingons?"
"Look at Natalie, she is a Klingon"
"Very nice, Rhayn."
"And I am one of those guys with the pointy ears, this is a mind meld, you should give me pointy ears."
"I will. Oh I will."

Rules and Loneliness

Its rather quiet at this moment. The big girls are playing nicely at the kitchen table (sure there was an early bedtime threatened if they fought) and for the moment Natalie is rolling around happily on the floor blowing raspberries.

We have some new school-time rules that we are trying to stick to. The main one is no television until Gwennie is in bed. Gwennie has so much trouble sleeping that I am willing to try darn near anything to help her be ready when that time of day hits. We're five minutes from that right now. Last week we did really well with the no t.v. rule, until she got sick. Then it was almost 24 hours of t.v. straight. This was followed by Daddy coming home and later nights and much television. Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday night we rough and she didn't go to sleep until nearly 9pm. Last week she was falling asleep much earlier but now I wonder if it was due to her illness or not.

It is now 8:30, the girls are in bed, lights are out. I'm holding a sleeping baby and watching a show. I am lonely, really lonely. I loved having Will home this weekend and it reminds me of how much I love having us all here together.

Three Things I Recommend

These are three things my girls and I use and love.

Kiss My Face Moisture Shave lotion. Currently using the unscented. I bought it on clearance and have totally fallen in love with the way it works. I haven't cut my legs since I started using it! (Only one small nick on my knee a few weeks ago.) I have a vanilla scented bottle, too. But you use so little that it lasts quite a while.

Organic Baby Raw Shea Moisture Soap for eczema, Frankincense and Myrrh scent. I love the smell in Natalie's soft baby hair. I bought just the soap bar at Target. I used to love the Baby Burt's Bees stuff but they changed the formula and I don't like the way it smells now. Lately I have been using this soap for myself. It is quite moisturizing, which is nice in the Arizona summer.

Thermos Insulated Water Bottles. I have left these, full of ice (yes there was still ice) water, in the car for at least 6 hours. This is in the Arizona summer, too! I wish they came in much bigger sizes, like 40 ounces, and still fit in my cup holder. I seriously love this water bottle. I bought it for Rhayn on clearance at Target, its only 18 ounces. It came with a bottle for hot liquids and I use that one for my water. It also stays icey cold but doesn't have a straw. Gwennie has a smaller one, and they come with many different designs with characters on them. Yes, they are pricey, about $20 for the 18 ounce version, but its worth it. Really worth it. Check out the clearance areas at Target, I bought 2 for $20.