Gratitude Monday

I am thankful for-

• This past year. Will has been home for over a year (He came home last year on August 28th.) I can not believe that he has been home for a year, nor can I believe that he was gone for a year. Its all surreal. I am grateful to have him home. I think its something that after his year away, I rarely take for granted.
  
• 11 weeks along. Getting close to the second trimester, with an increase in energy and a decrease in puking! Whoo hooo! The baby is now the size of a fig, I guess.
• New beginnings. I know there are some scary times on our horizon, but at the same time, I am excited to see what happens. (Nice and vague, huh? I'll write a post about it, soon. I promise.)
  

Silent Sunday 5 years ago

"How are you feeling/doing?"

A daily question in my world. So let me answer that.

I feel... better.
Some days I even feel (dare I say it) good. Other days, not so much. I felt pretty good this morning, but right now? I feel pretty awful. I need to eat, again. I am tired of eating because I have to, and not because food sounds good.

I am only puking about once a day now, down from at least 3 times. Its been at night, before or after dinner. I have been getting more done, but I still spend far too much time online. I miss having energy to accomplish goals. I know it is returning, but its slow going and by afternoon I am usually spent.

I have a little swell, usually from bloating, by mid afternoon. It cracks me up because in the morning I do not look at all pregnant, but at night I do. (This happened with Gwennie, too.)

My breasts are still sore. I don't remember them hurting at all with my previous pregnancies. I wonder if its because they remember the massive amount of milk Gwennie required from birth on. (She was a pig for Gup.)

I forgot how VIVID pregnancy dreams are! So far I have dreamed that both of our dogs were killed, in the one where Lily died, her ghost kept following me around. I often dream about the birth, although it hasn't yet reached a point of panic that I remember from Gwennie. (I had many dreams that the midwife wasn't there and I birthed alone. I do not like to be alone during labor and birth. I like to be surrounded by people, seriously the more the better, too bad they all have to see me naked and listen to me being loud.)

I know that soon these symptoms will be replaced by a return of energy and a vigor for life. Also, its going to start being nice enough in the mornings that maybe Gwennie and I can start making it to the zoo after we drop Rhayn off at school. That would be good for us and I love mornings at the zoo! I think today's cloudy weather is reminding me of good things, like fall and cooler temperatures. Even though I know we are still in for another month or so of HOT it will eventually cool off.

Thursday Morning

Gwennie and I went to talk to our friend A at Rhayn's school this morning. Gwennie was feeling fancy so she wore this dress.

Our friend A allowed Gwennie to hold a chicken.What is she looking at whilst holding up her skirt like that? A toad in the straw!

We came home to this on the carpet. One of Gwennie's two favorite stuffed animals' face had been chewed to bits by a certain dog. There is no way to fix him, either. The eyes are the most important part of the "freaky kitty" and Penny destroyed Peanut Butter's. It was trauma to the extreme, but a quick phone call to our friend who works at a toy store meant that there would be a replacement before the day was over.

She blinded me with science

Gratitude Monday

This week I am thankful for

• 10 weeks along, baby is growing and soon we will enter the wonderful land of the 2nd trimester, where all is great and I have energy again. (I hope.) I have been feeling, sort of, better. I mean I have actually cleaned the house a little, so it has to slowly be getting better, right?
  
• sleep. At night or during the day I am thankful for sleep.
  
• food, although I am still having a lot of aversions to food, there have been some items that taste good now. I have actually been able to eat more at a sitting and that helps.
  
• Gwennie, she is sweet and helpful. And I just love listening to her play quietly near me. She has been such an easy child, I worry that this baby will be a terror. I can not believe she will soon be 5.
  

Do I post a lot about food?

This morning I had coffee with a friend. My first cup of java in months. I know, bla bla bla bad for baby... well I only drank like a 1/4 of the cup and I threw it up when I got home. Puke that smells like hazelnut coffee is not so bad.

Gwennie and I stopped to get some food at Fresh and Easy and I picked up a package of California Rolls, oh man were those good. I really wish I had more. Or maybe just some edamame to eat now (going to check our freezer for it). Nothing has tasted that good in weeks, months even.

On a side note, I actually feel pretty good so I'm going to start going through some boxes of kid clothes that my friend Jim gave me. That should make me feel like I've accomplished something today.

dreams, TMI and emotions

Its almost 2 pm, on the first day of school. I have been sitting about or laying down all day. I feel awful. Also I had terrible dreams last night which have stuck with me all day.

In the one right before I woke up Will and I had to pull Penny's dew claw off, so she was limping. Then I put the dogs outside. When I went to let them back in only one dog was there and the gate was open. Iran to the gate to see Penny trying to make it to the gate. She'd been shot across her back, and there was another dead dog not too far off. I ran in the house, carrying her, trying to find a number to call, where to take her. The girls were in the kitchen making lunch for the first day back to school and I had to figure out how to get Penny to the vet (before she died) and Rhayn to school.

I woke up at that point and ran downstairs (trying not to puke) to check the dogs. The dream was just so vividly real. I hate the freaky pregnant dreams. Ugh. I hugged Penny, told her she was a good dog and gave her some turkey.

Then I took a shower and puked on myself. Nice.

Also today I have had the most painful gas and diarrhea on top of that, which is irritating the hemorrhoids that always plague me. This has caused a little bit of anal bleeding (normal with the 'roids) but when I wiped and saw bright red blood I freaked out about that, too. There is a part of me that is soooo glad this will be our last baby, because there is no way I could do this part again. Also I wonder if we lost this baby if I would want to do this again. I mean the morning sickness has been so bad this time that there were times, recently I wished I wasn't pregnant. (That was hard to write because I wanted this baby so badly, but this illness? I am glad that once its over the blinders come on and you forget. how. bad. it. was.) I want to sleep the whole night without waking up to pee 3 times. I want to eat a whole meal without feeling sick. I want to go more than an hour without eating.

I wrote yesterday about tears bubbling up, today I feel like I've been crying all day. My head has that crying fog feeling. That is totally not helping me.

Oh, and I can no longer eat watermelon. Boo. (Maybe red foods in general are bad? Or this baby doesn't like them.) Did you notice the pregnancy ticker baby now actually looks like a baby? So cool.

I feel it bubbling to the surface. Emotions that normally lay covered in layers and layers of self built protective padding. Pregnancy brings it all to the surface, and tears flow easily enough these days.

Vampire Baby

I vant to suck your blood, mua hahaha!
Proof that Twilight was not my first vampire love. I've always loved them.
(Me, 1978/9.)

Gratitude Mondays

I'm trying to be grateful, I really am. I know that feeling sick is a good thing, but darn it I am emotionally exhausted from it and having to eat every. hour. all. day. long. I have had some days when the constant queasies abate for a short time. Then they come back, full force. I had a day that only involve gagging and no actual puking. Alas it didn't last and has been followed by days with an average of 4 sessions.

But I digress, and this week I am thankful for

• week 9 of pregnancy, getting closer to the second trimester, looking forward to feeling the baby move and morning sickness really going away.
  
• school starts this week. Rhayn can not wait. She is so excited. I, on the other hand, am not excited because this means I have to get my sick butt up every morning and drive her to school. Not looking forward to the next few weeks of that.
• cheesecake. Its good stuff, so what if I've eaten like 4 slices in the past few days?
• silly, vivid pregnancy dreams. Last night I was holding the hand of a little baby and trying to find cloth diapers. I had a bag full of newborn sized pampers but I wanted to use the cloth diapers that were buried in the bottom of the diaper bag. I also kept telling people the baby was a boy, but they kept telling me she was a girl.
  

I love tomatoes, I know I have written about that before. However, every time I eat one, I get sick. But they taste so good. Sooo. good.

For weeks I would drink huge cups of milk, it would calm my stomach. However I figured out that I am abut 10 times more likely to vomit if I drink milk. It also, tastes so very good and I want to drink it all day. (Also have you ever puked up milk? Ewww.)

Why are these triggers? Why has this pregnancy taken tomatoes away from me? Why does the smell of lavender also send me running? None of it makes sense, does it?

Saturday Morning Symphony

Rhayn needed a violin for school this year. She had gotten one for Christmas a few years ago, but she had outgrown it. We headed to the same store that my first instrument was rented through and rented a 1/2 sized violin for her. The 1/4 sized violin is now the perfect size for Gwennie. We got that out, daddy tuned it and the music started.

whoosh whoosh

I had my second appointment with my midwife, P. I love her, seriously. I walked in and she asked if I feel as good as I look, because apparently, today, I looked GREAT! Well, my response was no, but I looked good because I barfed right before we left the house. (True, it gives you a rosy glow, gross, I know.) Seeing her is like visiting a friend. Its always pleasant and I usually laugh a lot.

Towards the end she asked if I wanted t try to hear the baby's heartbeat. "Since you are so thin, there is a good chance we can." Of course, but not expecting too much Gwennie was a pain to find even at 11 weeks, and I am only 8 weeks and like 2/3 days. I climbed up on the table, and she squirted the goo on my belly and then started slowly moving the doppler. We heard me, loud and clear. Then, leaning towards my left, she said "OH! Do you hear it? (pause) Oh the baby moved!" Then she found it again while the student midwife held the speaker part and then they let me hear the oh-so-faint whoosh-whoosh noise. It was amazing.

It makes this all seem to real, and makes the puking feel like it might be worth it. (It still sucks, let me tell you, but in 8 more months, when I am holding this little babe... it will all seem worth it.)

Potato Perfumed Penny

Why is this dog such a pain in the hind end? Yesterday we were gone for a little over an hour, so I left the dogs, free-range, in the house. Penny chewed the eyes off of a stuffed horse of Gwennie's (trauma, but at least it wasn't Pickle or Peanut Butter or Schnauzer which are her favorites.) She also pulled the hat band and inside band off of Gwennie's cowboy hat that she had gotten for her birthday a few years ago. Luckily its fixable, because she's been wearing that hat a lot lately.

Today the dogs were outside while I was on the phone making appointments to have the car serviced and calling to see about renting a violin for a certain soon-to-be fourth grader. When Lily asked nicely to come in (this involves her NOT jumping full force at the sliding-glass door and only a little whimpering noise, not a full-blown whining). I let them in. Penny comes in, covered in smell and green goo. Nasty. This picture does not do her grossness justice, you can't see the neon green snot-like goo that was on her. Nor can you smell her.

You may wonder what she got into and if this is the first time she has done this. Well the answers are aloe vera and no. She often digs out the middle of our patch of aloe and I think it smells much like cafeteria mashed potatoes and gravy. You know the kind, rather like KFC's (gag) instant potatoes.

She may have been telling me that she needed a bath, if not, well she got one anyway.

Gratitude Monday

I am thankful for

• 8 weeks in, 32ish to go.
  
• summer rain storms and the cooler weather that comes with them. (Picture above of the girls playing in the rain that came down fast and hard and even lasted for more than five minutes!)
  
• better days. I actually had a day that I didn't puke once. (I did gag, but nothing came up.) I even had some energy that day. I was able to attend a friend's baby shower.
  
• my kids coming home. Friday my dad took the girls home with him to spend the weekend with them. By Friday evening both Will and I were lamenting on how much we missed the girls. By Sunday, when my mom returned them, I was so glad to see them! (Even if they both had crying fits, and needed sleep.)
• phone calls from my sweet girls, just to say good night. Actually what Gwennie said was "I wish you good luck and I love you." So cute. The girls sound so much younger on the phone than they in person. (I didn't recognize them, sadly.)
• Hilarious blogs* that make me laugh all. day. long.
  
• I am NOT thankful for cat puke... for hearing gagging cats in the night and stepping in hairballs in the morning. Yuck.

*If you've never visited Rants from Mommyland, please do. In fact, read this post. I laughed so hard I cried, seriously.

Silent Sunday

For a friend's baby shower...

One of the cook-a-thon ladies is having a little girl in just a few weeks, so I made her a special dolly. Gwennie loves the doll and asked if I could make her one. I had to patch together some of the fabric since I was using some fabric that we had here. I LOVE the way the patching came out, check out the ruffly part on the hat. Cute. I can't wait to give my friend this doll.

Smoothies

I have been making smoothies every day. They help take the edge off the morning sickness and are easier to get down than food...

The girls enjoy the smoothies, too. Mmmm.

Terrible Day

Today has not been a good day. I have thrown up every few hours since I woke up at 6am. (Including once during the night at around 11.) I have tried all of my usual tricks but nothing seems to be working and I feel the macaroni and cheese I just ate threatening to reemerge.

We had plans today, too. This morning we had a playdate but only stayed for and hour and half, rushing home so that I could spend time with the toilet. The girls wanted to have a couple of friends over and I really need to get to the grocery store. This is miserable. I am miserable.

Gratitude Monday

This week I am thankful for

• week 7 in this pregnancy, with all of the fun (read as puking) that goes with it. 33ish weeks to go. This week the baby is the size of a blueberry.
  
• friends who came over and had dinner here (bringing all of the food themselves!) then cleaned up my kitchen before they left. How awesome since I can barely stand to be in the kitchen most of the time.
• one of the same friends who came over today and made dinner for our family tonight.
  
• a husband who has stepped up and made dinner, brought me food upstairs and not gotten mad at me for wanting to hole up in the bedroom and read.
  
• the smell (and taste) of freshly baked french bread.